Single by choice

Without a doubt, C.C. knew when she wanted to become a mother. “I’m not married, but I knew I wanted to have a child. There comes a point in time where it is like, ‘OK I am an aunt, I am a godmother, but I want to be a mom’,” C.C, a professional in healthcare, says.

Evie Peck, an actress and producer working in Los Angeles, shared the same feeling. “In my late 30s, I started thinking about doing it on my own, as I had not ever been with a man I could see myself with forever,” she says. “I felt completely done with dating and ready to focus on being a mom.” Both C.C. and Peck are single, but they certainly are not alone.

Many women across North America have been reshaping the norm of what has come to be known as a ‘traditional family unit.’ Nowadays, women are waiting later in life to start a family. In 2010, a report by Employment and Social Development Canada found that of the mothers who gave birth that year, 51.2 per cent were 30 years of age or over.

While women may be waiting longer to become parents, what they are not waiting for is “The One.” Statistics Canada found that in 2011, about eight in 10 lone-parent families were headed by females, accounting for 12.8 per cent of all families. This number has likely increased since.

Although more and more women are choosing to raise families on their own, some say that there is not enough information available in order to better understand the important decision they are about to make and how it will change their lives.

Peck was 40, and in the process of trying to conceive with one of her best male friends who she was not in a relationship with. “There were a few websites available, but none of them spoke to me,” she recalls. “I never felt like there was a group or a voice for me. Living in Los Angeles, I thought I would have more resources.”

Jan Silverman, a counsellor at the CReATe Fertility Clinic in Toronto, explains that it is important to understand methods of having a child, and to come to terms with each individual experience. “I think that there is an automatic sense that it is the same thing as having your own genetically linked, biological child. And it is not the same thing,” she says. “It is a unique, wonderful, different experience, with the emphasis on different.»

C.C., who adopted her six-year-old daughter through the Children’s Aid Society, shares her experience. “(The workers) come to look at your home, your background, and especially your support. I won’t have a partner, so would I have support set up in place in case something was to happen? I did; I had my parents, I had my siblings, and really good friends,” she said. “But that was something I had already had to think about.”

While the methods of having a child may be different from individual to individual, the role of being a mom remains the same, whether you are single or not.

“We have ‘Mommy and Daughter Days.’ We do outings and during March Break, we just travel by ourselves,” C.C, replied when asked her favourite thing about motherhood.

Peck created her blog, MOM SOLO, where she chronicles her adventures raising her four-year old son, Spenser.

“If you want to be a parent, do it,” Peck advised. “Becoming a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done.”

#RealLife